I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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