so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She bit a glass in half.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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