I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
