even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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