Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
