3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
