I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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