the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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