If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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