i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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