peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
