the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
