Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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