Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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