I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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