My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
