she woke up with a sticky ear
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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