I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
