I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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