We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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