So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
