I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
