My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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