...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
