I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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