is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
