I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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