The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
false alarm, still single
Randomize
