I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
