But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize