I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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