He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
