WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I need moral support for this bender
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
