i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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