she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Best friends brother. Beat that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
