So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
