you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
