You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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