Banned from zoo.
Again?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
