I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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