I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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