I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it's like heaven, but drunker
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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