Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
