they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
