yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
