he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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