Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
