i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize