you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
