i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
