Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
