oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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