singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
