just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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