i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
