Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
