So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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