is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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