At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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