I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
