I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
did i walk over a car last night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
