Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
