i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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