before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This house was built for laser tag.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
