Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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