I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
