at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
porn star boner night. come get it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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