Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
