we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
