a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize