i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
