i dedicated my morning wood to you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
