ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
