U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
