I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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