Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
