Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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