forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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